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[17 Jan 2006|09:51pm] |
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sometimes i just get in these weird reflective moods that make me want to write in here. reflection is a good thing. it intertwines with all that nostalgia stuff which i suppose is such a big part of society these days, for whatever reasons. people just don't seem to be content with the conditions in which we live in today. i can understand why, though. i've been realizing now more than ever before just how much everyday situations are so easy to absorb, and it's really what you absorb from the experience that defines who you are and what kind of a person you really are. there are so many things i could share, but what i gained is really what's worth sharing. i think that's something that people should really hold on to a little bit tighter, rather than just talking about what happened, who said what, and all of that superficial shit that just doesn't really matter. it's just a whole lifestyle of living that i've completely retired from, quite unconsciously, though. and i'm really glad to have taken that big leap backward and to have the ability to look at certain situations with a different point of view that i don't think many people are accustomed to, or would understand, really. i just love this whole life thing and what it has to offer so much sometimes that it's almost too overwhelming.
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| is it scary for you? |
[12 Dec 2005|09:53pm] |
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my, my, my. (yours, yours, yours makes just as much sense. everyone else is reading this too, i'm assuming.) so much things to say. (get it? thanks lauryn.) anyway, i could choose to brag or choose to not. (choose/loose/chose/lose.) i've made a lot of changes (with the man in the mirror. get it? thanks michael.) recently. i wouldn't want to explain all of them, but life is amazing in the way it twists and turns with no warnings or explanations. there are so many concepts and things i'm finally getting a chance to understand the way that i want to understand them - understanding the way i want to mold and shape my thoughts into a way that makes perfect sense to me, yet articulates them into a way that is easy to understand. simplicity, in a sense. anyway, it's interesting how life has taken us (individually and not) down these complicated roads that aren't explainable to anybody, and leads us to the end - a climax, in a sense, or not. so, it either takes us someplace, or it dumps us off in an area that isn't enclosed with closure or anything to seal the space in our head where we hold the experience. don't worry - this isn't the first time i've come across this, or appreciated it to its full capacity. it's just a good time to give it some acknowledgement.
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[03 Dec 2005|04:38pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lauryn hill - superstar |
] |
for once, as usual, i don't know what i want. i mean, i know what i want, but i don't know what i want, and i do, and i don't, and it's one of those never ending things that we all have come to know and love. well, well, well. in other news, two weeks from today, i'll be looking at stevie wonder. baby, everything is alright.
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| abnormal. |
[24 Oct 2005|04:53pm] |
apparently.
UGH.
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[20 Oct 2005|12:29pm] |
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...he loves me. clearly.
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| stand under. |
[13 Oct 2005|07:56pm] |
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despite all of this loneliness, i just want to be left alone.
i know. it doesn't make any cents.
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[09 Oct 2005|11:54pm] |
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to be quite contradictory, it's just because it's illegal.
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[04 Oct 2005|07:46pm] |
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haven't you realized that all of the entries i write in here are directed to you?
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[25 Sep 2005|11:05pm] |
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fuck.
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| it makes sense, i promise. |
[29 Jul 2005|10:43pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sly & the family stone |
] |
i'm feeling quite strangely. everyone seems to be drunk. people, stop getting drunk. it's not good for you and it makes you look bad. but then again, who am i to criticize something i've never done before? who am i to criticize anything? do you know who you are to criticize anything? probably not. but you probably do it anyway. people like to criticize. i wonder if people like to criticize me "behind my back." okay enough of that word. it looks strange.
i want answers to questions that probably won't ever be answered. i want to know why i have feelings that i have, and why they never get reciprocated, and then i end up feeling like i get absolutely nothing. in reality, i don't get absolutely nothing. it's just how i feel sometimes. because i don't seem to get what i want a lot of the time. "fantasy is what people want but reality is what they need."
at work, i have a hard time putting lids on frappucinos after i apply(?) the whipped cream to the top of them. i always make a mess. today this strangely attractive boy told me that it was okay and to just give it to him. it made me feel stupid and then i didn't care. i didn't realize that he was watching me, though. which is a good thing, or else i would have made an even bigger mess. i think he was wearing a pink tie. i was wearing a blue one. i felt like i knew him from somewhere.
i wish alysa wasn't away from woodland hills. i've been missing her a lot and i think that's why i feel sad tonight. it's been a really long time since her and i have gone without seeing each other like this. i don't like it. she is my drug and i have quite the dependency. anyway, tacha is probably looking at stevie nicks right this second. how odd.
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| today i learned how to spell "therefor." |
[19 Jul 2005|09:37pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the white stripes - take, take, take |
] |
Innovations hang on only by those who choose to remember. You used to tell me about your soft-shell approaches and intellectual harvests, and I'm only being exposed now to a hard-boiled screen, involving lifelike mannerisms as well as technicolor dreams. Your headgear is slowly changing from a hierarchy where only Christ and the majority rules to a beehive full of horoscopes and majority fools. The indiscreet induction into this so-called "hall of fame" indicates an instrumental appreciation. Do not hold me onto your synthetic pedestal. I am nothing short of a bucket of instability and marvelous performances of personal triumphs and tribulations.
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| good morning, kids. |
[16 Jul 2005|02:09am] |
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i went to work today (yesterday?) and met some of my co-workers. they all seem to be nice people. yes, i work at starbucks. later, tacha, kyle, cole, and i went to barnes & noble to wait in line for tacha's copy of the new harry potter book. she got it, and now she's "complete." tomorrow (today?) i am having breakfast with my brother. tomorrow (today?) is saturday. i like saturdays. i like weekends. i like days, too. i need tickets to the white stripes concert. i need to see my alter-ego, mr. jack white. this reminds me of a conversation i had with alysa. i wish i could re-call the words, but i only remember something being funny, and the kind of funny that it was. i want a dog. so that with it, i can jog. it will look into the fog, and tell me about the game of pogs it played with some other dog that was the same color as a log. then he will speak to me about a sip of egg-nog it had last christmas-time. perhaps he will tell me how much money it cost him in terms of a dime. then we can finish our conversation and squeeze the juice out of a lime, and that way, i can marinate some tofu in it, since i'm an animal lover, and not an animal eater, and tofu is good for those who are like us.
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| give him the victory. |
[01 Jul 2005|11:14pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
janet jackson - i get lonely |
] |
i tried talking. i tried making the best. even my drunken haze couldn't bump up my dissapointment. but i don't even think that was it. i wish that were it. i wish it weren't the fact that i'm lost without you. the fact that there's no one else for me. the fact that i've become so dependant on how good you make me feel.
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| a text? |
[19 Jun 2005|11:14pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael jackson - leave me alone |
] |
people talk too much. or maybe it just depends on the person and sometimes i can't stand it. today was sort of nice. i sat at borders in santa monica and did algebra and read. once again, summer is just around the corner, and i couldn't be any more thrilled.
the only reason i'm writing in here is for you. i thought i would have something more exciting to say to you. i guess not.
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| Everybody knows that they're guilty. |
[18 Jun 2005|08:48am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lauryn hill - oh jerusalem |
] |
I want to understand you. I've been lying to myself. I don't belong anywhere in LA. I'm not fake enough.
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| get out of my head. |
[03 Jun 2005|11:46pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the white stripes - there's no home for you here |
] |
you need to get out. you need to get out of my mouth, of my head, of my dreams, of my fingers, just get out.
i'm feeling about 13598475 different things right now and it's not fun.
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| water. |
[09 May 2005|09:03pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
air - cherry blossom girl |
] |
it's so weird how sometimes it seems like a certain feeling or a certain emotion is all that you have, and then you realise that what you seemed to need was only what you thought you wanted. and you wonder how it seemed that it was so necessary, when now, all of the sudden, you can see the situation from all angles since you're not blindsided by strange emotions anymore.
in other news, i have a few little things to look forward to for the near future. i won't be redundant and list them off because i feel like it cheapens the thrill the more i talk about it.
right now i have paint all over my hands and i wonder how everyone else is doing today.
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[30 Apr 2005|12:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the beatles - strawberry fields |
] |
consider me a happy boy.
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| this is (sur)real. |
[21 Apr 2005|10:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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lauryn hill - just like water |
] |
i want to understand but i can't. i just can't. i want to ask someone (you) to explain but then i'm too scared of understanding. there's absolutely nothing i can do.
granted, just get out.
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[13 Apr 2005|06:14pm] |
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We give rise to ego by being insecure
The advice that we go desperately searching for
The subconscious effort to support our paramour
To engage in denial, to admit we're immature
Validating lies, Mr. Intentional
Open up yours eyes, Mr. Intentional
Stuck in a system that seeks to suck your blood
Held emotionally hostage by what everybody does
Counting all the money that you give them just because
Exploiting ignorance in the name of love
Stop before you drop because that's just the way it was
Please don't justify me, Mr. Intentional.
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| i want hair extensions. |
[24 Mar 2005|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
air - la femme d'argent |
] |
today i went to santa barbara with justin, alysa, kyle, cole, and travis. santa barbara is such a beautiful city. today was one of these half cloudy and half sunny days that we've been having often lately, and the ocean was amazing. i was sitting on a bench in front of it, just thinking to myself about a lot of things that needed to be thought about. the sun was out, and it was reflecting onto the water and the sparkles were skating across the ocean for what seemed to be just for my admiration, or, for anyone else's admiration, if they weren't too busy getting wrapped up in things that really don't matter.
i'm really sad that this week is almost over because it's been going almost perfectly. i've been with justin a lot, which is always perfect, even when we argue. because basically, i love being with him.
i love this picture that cassie took at lunch the other day...
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[03 Mar 2005|10:59pm] |
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well. it hurts.
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| these are my antics. |
[18 Feb 2005|11:53am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
interpol - a time to be so small |
] |
i wanted to be alone, and now i'm not quite sure what to do with myself. i sleep too much. i need alysa and tacha. staying home from school is the way to do it on days like this. days where water pours out of the sky and never ends. i was gonna go to canada this summer but i'm not going anymore.
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| yeah, it's probably you. |
[14 Feb 2005|07:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
moodless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
erykah badu - on & on |
] |
i can't believe this is the land from which i came.
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| yeah. |
[28 Jan 2005|11:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael j |
] |
"michael jackson did not molest this kid. period. the charges against him are fake. they have been created by grifters to cash in on a beleaguered, besieged guy who, because he is so unusual, is vulnerable to these kinds of charges.
"i predict in the coming days that michael jackson will say as much... that he will never again, ever ever, in his life allow himself to be vulnerable to these kinds of accusations again.
"he is being railroaded here by a district attorney who is out of control, who is about to retire, who stayed to even a score, had a chip on his shoulder (and is) using the whole power of his office to try and sink this guy."
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| freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. |
[26 Jan 2005|07:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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kiss - love gun |
] |
"Asperger's syndrome is a neurobiological disorder which is a mild form of autism. People with AS are generally considered exceptionally intelligent (and often obsessively focus their attention to music or art), but have difficulty reading social situations and are often accused of being extremely antisocial. They also have difficulty coping with change and only find security in a familiar routine and environment."
...sounds quite like myself.
so, today was half good and half bad. i can't stand the rain. i don't think this weekend will be at all spectacular. since justin is going on some kind of a luxury trip to the mountains, i'll have to rely on other things to keep me busy, which isn't bad, but it's just not as fun. okay.
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| what's going on. |
[23 Jan 2005|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Marvin Gaye - Flying High In The Friendly Sky |
] |
i went to the science museum today to see "body works" with alysa and justin. i have to say that i have mixed feelings about it. at some parts i thought that it was a little disturbing, and at some i thought it was fascinating, and some were really boring. seeing people's reactions was probably one of the most interestings aspects of the exibit, i think.
it also got me thinking about why we seem to be so repulsed by our bodies. i don't understand it! i mean, we can eat other animals and know that they've been "slaughtered" and cooked for our enjoyment, but when it comes to human beings, our bodies are apparently disgusting and gross. i don't understand that at all. it's only natural. we're built to live and survive all the same. so what's the big deal?
also, something i thought that was really awesome was that the exhibit really just slowed us down for a second and showed us that despite our different ways of thinking, races, and everything else that makes us different..no matter what, we're all the same inside, and here's PROOF of that. right here. that we have NO idea if these people were black, white, purple, gay, straight, racist, or whatever else. that every single one of them is the same inside.
i really wish the world was more aware of that.
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| speeeeed demon... |
[19 Jan 2005|09:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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michael jackson - dirty diana |
] |
i'm so happy right this second. i have so much to look forward to that it's almost overwhelming. this weekend is definately gonna be great.
how is everyone today? i wonder.
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| birthday. |
[11 Jan 2005|09:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lenny kravitz - dig in |
] |
today i'm 17.
it was awesome. the rain went away. my friends made me feel so amazing. christopher was here. i'm such a happy boy right now. the only thing i can say is thank you to everyone that made me feel good today. <3
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| factual. |
[09 Jan 2005|12:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pessimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael jackson - gone too soon |
] |
i feel quite pathetic. it's my birthday soon, and i'm not ready. something wasn't accomplished when i was 16.
but, i like this picture.
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| long, long, long. |
[06 Jan 2005|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mouse - bukowski |
] |
i'm having trouble understanding beliefs that we as people have. why do we insist that our way of beliefs is right and everyone else's is wrong? if there's a "god" up there, out there, or wherever, i want to know why this world is so fucking hypocritical and messed up. the only reason i'm confident in saying 'messed up' is because so many things happen that make us all feel terrible pain, whether it be emotional or physical. why are we taught that the "correct" way of bringing up children is to conceal them from the "bad" things that are out there? to keep them from being scared, i suppose. well how are we supposed to know what is correct and what is not correct if no one told us in the first place? we're all on this earth to survive, and apparently , the best way of going at it to us is through fighting, power struggles, and fear. why? why do we constantly challenge eachother? instead of being at ease with the concept that no one on this earth is better than anyone else, we have power struggles and attitudes to make us feel "good" when in the end we all do the same things. such as spilling our hearts into a screen that won't ever tell you how it feels. for me, it's the small things in life that keep me going. such as sushi and new old records.
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| this is pretty pathetic... |
[04 Jan 2005|01:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
smart. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael jackson - got to be there |
] |
2004: Year in Review
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? played vinyl records, started 11th grade, met chris. there's a few.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? those are stupid. i don't even remember if i made one at the beginning of 2004.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die? yeah.
5. What countries did you visit? just the one i live in.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? stop being lazy.
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? i don't really remember things by their dates. i have no idea.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? i have no idea.
9. What was your biggest failure? ha i have no idea.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i get sick a lot, so yeah i guess.
11. What was the best thing you bought? i don't know, but the best thing that someone bought me is definately my iPod. <3
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? i don't know.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i dunno.
14. Where did most of your money go? food, probably.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? chris.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? billie holiday, janet jackson's "damita jo" album, the vines' "winning days" album, "yeah" by usher since it's impossible to get away from it.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? happier.
Older or wiser? both.
Thinner or fatter? fatter i guess.
Richer or poorer? the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? things that make me happy.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? being lazy.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? i already spent christmas.
21. Did you fall in love in 2004? yes.
22. How many one-night stands? zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program? life as we know it, the simple life 2.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? probably.
26. What was the best book you read? moonwalk.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? interpol, keane.
28. What did you want and get? an iPod.
29. What did you want and not get? i don't know.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? maybe "the dreamers."
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 16. i hung out with monique - we went to amoeba records. being with her is fun so it was fun. but vikter and i broke up on my birthday and then i cried.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? i dunno. that's too broad of a question.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? that i hate uggs and most of the trendy clothes of 2004 were sloppy and ugly.
34. What kept you sane? painting, photography, and listening to michael jackson.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? well michael jackson. i always have.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? george bush.
37. Who did you miss? i don't know. a lot of people.
38. Who was the best new person you met? chris.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: follow what your first instincts say and don't let anything else get in the way when you're trying to decide something.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "i wasn't raised to quit cause quitters never win, but what do you gain if you feel incomplete within?"
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| yeah yeah. |
[03 Jan 2005|12:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
keane - she has no time |
] |
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[30 Dec 2004|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
teased. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ray charles - unchain my heart |
] |
i have nothing to say. i didn't go out today. woke up at 1, watched tv til 3:30, worked on a painting, got back in bed and listened to the white album.
on sunday, we drove to san luis obispo, a grueling three hours. had lunch at some resturaunt with deers hanging off the walls and pretty windows, and shopped until it rained. on monday, saw the life aquatic, another grueling couple of hours. meet the fockers was sold out. bought keane and invincible because it's the only mj album that was missing, and in the middle of the night i woke up on the living room floor somehow. had lunch in santa barbara and came home on monday.
i want to see the phantom of the opera and finish reading alfie, buy books on jim morisson, ray charles, marilyn manson. i want to finish the painting i've been working on for months and maybe pass my permit test if that's possible.
i need to see alysa, also.
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| monkey biz. |
[24 Dec 2004|12:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
marilyn manson - personal jesus |
] |
i love vinyl. my mom got me a record player FINALLY and it has barely stopped playing since i hooked it up. the trip to cambria should be a good experience for my camera as long as conditions are good, as holiday gatherings usually are for that sort of thing.
it's almost time for new years resolutions and count downs and all the stuff that comes with the beginning of a new year. i wonder why years are such a big deal. it's strange to me, because we get so excited for a new year, yet nothing seems to change. how often do people keep up with their resolutions, or even remember them? because i don't remember mine from the beginning of 2004, or if i had one at all. well, i have to say this. i've learned this year, tremendously. okay, i know i've said that probably at the end of every year, but i guess it's always true. i mean, i never stop learning - we as humans never stop learning. it's just that the end of the year is a good time to be vocal about it, i suppose. well, i know what i did this year that i regret, and i know what i don't, so i guess that's a good page to be on at the end of a year, or any time period that society takes notice of. i'm eager to find out what 2005 has in store for me, or what i have in store for myself and have no idea as of now, rather. well, i'm in a good place, and very at peace with myself. good.
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[20 Dec 2004|01:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
scissor sisters - it can't come quickly enough |
] |
( michael and me )
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| hi. |
[14 Dec 2004|09:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the vines - fuck the world |
] |
i bought some presents today. it's starting to feel like christmas time! i totally forgot how much i love winter. i'm a happy boy.
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|
[01 Dec 2004|07:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the beatles - a day in the life |
] |
i've been planning my future. i've been letting craig nicholls sing me to sleep. i've been wondering what you think about when you think about me. i've been hoping to see johnathan rice but all my attempts have failed. all of today's daydreams have been somehow sketched in my folder with a pen that i hate. sometimes it wants to let a lot of ink out, and sometimes it wants to let out just enough to see that something has been written. maybe it's just as confused as i am about which way to go. well, whatever it is, i think i'll stick to pencils. actually, i won't stick to them at all. i'll just use them to write and draw with. what do we have, other than memories?
my closet is filled with things that remind me of you. it makes me feel better about waking up in the morning.
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|
[22 Nov 2004|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael jackson - blood on the dance floor |
] |
life is more complex than it is comprehendable, but i'm enjoying the ways in which it smiles back at me lately.
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| no subject today. |
[27 Oct 2004|08:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the shins - new slang |
] |
i have heavy eyelids right now. i get too stressed over things that shouldn't stress me out. i'm moving soon. i never let myself do things that i want to do. i get too distracted all the time, or i distract myself, like everybody else. today bored me. almost every day bores me, or it starts okay and ends up the same as all the other days. i have regrets. i have questions. i have plans for my life. in other words, i have nothing.
i want to see johnathan rice at the hotel cafe in a few weeks. if you're looking for good music, listen to his.
i want to write in something real. what is this text, anyway?
you know?
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| i'm a poet and didn't even know it. |
[13 Oct 2004|10:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
michael jackson - leave me alone |
] |
when you fall in love with somebody, they begin to become your best friend. i've realized that more and more every day and i hope it never goes away.
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|
[04 Oct 2004|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
johnathan rice |
] |
school has been going okay. i get more homework than ever, but i suppose that's how it goes when you're in your junior year. i don't want to start writing about how i feel about that, because i'll feel as though everything i write is an understatement and it'll frustrate me into deleting the section, so it's better that i leave it at that. but basically, i hate the way school works, and if people had been smarter in the past, kids would be a lot more excited about learning, but we all know that people aren't too bright at times, right?
i think that it's our outlook that keeps us well or doesn't in our lives. i think the way we see things has a lot to do with what happens to us because of what we allow to happen to us. if i am wrong you can laugh at my thoughts when i'm proved wrong, but i won't really care. i'm fascinated by the fact that we're all working so hard to achieve, yet one day when either we expect it or we don't, we're all going to die.
just another thought i thought to share.
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[29 Sep 2004|10:29pm] |
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music |
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the world at large |
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"wouldn't it be nice if i could melt myself like ice, or outrun my skin and just be pure wind"
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[27 Sep 2004|09:50pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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air - bathroom girl |
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it was a regular day, one of those days filled of wanting to be elsewhere and away from everything, but that's not much of a stretch, and nor is barely putting up with people's pointless and stupid conversations and questions. it all feels like such a blur at the end of the day that i don't want to waste my time thinking about. i couldn't believe chris bought me an iPod for our anniversary, and it's still..i don't want to even try to describe how i feel. anyway, he is a lime green mini iPod named Nigel Jr, and he's gonna be my companion for life.
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[19 Sep 2004|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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jewel - foolish games |
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i took photos for class tonight, a few with my digital as well. i'm beginning to give in to the digital world and want a digital SLR. i spent an excellent weekend with christopher. we didn't do anything special, but there's not much of a need to, because when i'm with him, it's an escape from reality enough for me. i'm dreading going to school tomorrow.
i should improve on this feeling in my stomach, since after all, worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. i know there's nothing for me to need to feel jealous about, but it's a broad spectrum - with one end being extreme jealousy and the other contains no jealous feelings at all, and i always seem to be stuck someplace in the middle.
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[15 Sep 2004|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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i should feel relieved |
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music |
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death cab for cutie - lightness |
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school is here, or i am there. tomorrow is a break, so that i can sleep in, just the way i did when it was summer time, when school felt so far off, not here or there, but nowhere to be found. at the moment, you will find my camera, my macro zoom lens, the letter from him that i wanted to read when i was laying down earlier and was too lazy to fold up again, and the shirt i wore to school today on my bed. it feels like ages since i've seen him, and how i miss him i can't describe. i miss his hands, his kisses, his singing when he's in the other room, the adorable noises he makes in the morning before he's brushed his teeth, and basically, everything. i don't enjoy this stiff feeling that took over my body since school began, the feeling that says i haven't gotten enough sleep or enough time with him lately, or just so many things at the same time that i can't even point one out at the moment. i call it my morning feeling, even though it generally occurs during the entire school day. i was looking forward to developing a roll of film in photography today, but mrs.weaver only made up the d-76, and all i could do was put my film into the tank, which took me too long since i haven't done it in a few months. i hope the prints and negatives come out well, whether or not they come out the way i want them to. i want to know more people who get it.
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